Make Me Whole Again
by ChaseThisLightWithMe
Summary: Magnus is looking everywhere for Alec and then finds him barely coping after Max's death and tries to help him. One-shot.


**Hey guys, this idea has been bugging me all week and I've finally had time to write it. It is inspired by a song that is one of my favourites at the moment. Enjoy.  
>Disclaimer: I don't own the Mortal Instruments or the characters.<br>**

He knew he had to find him.

Magnus had lost him among the gasps, stares and tears in the crowd. It was devastatingly heart breaking to see a family ripped apart by the loss of its smallest component. Flashes of the limp body, paler than usual, lying completely still in the arms of Robert Lightwood, crossed his mind. Death wasn't new to Magnus but that didn't mean it hurt any less. The loss of any life - especially one so fragile, young and innocent - tore at Magnus' eternal heart.

Death was a dull pang that Magnus had grown used to, but this time it meant more than usual. Because it affected those he cared about. _The one_ he cared about.

And now he couldn't find him.

From across the Hall of Accords he saw the face of the boy he loved fall, completely and utterly crumble, then push his way through the dense crowd to just hold the hand of his dead brother. It was the first time Magnus had seen Alec totally disregard anyone else around him. Usually he was conscious of everyone around him, as if expecting that they might see through the wall he had worked so hard to build up around him. Magnus had chipped passed that long ago.

Magnus had searched all over when the Lightwoods disappeared from the Hall, asking random Shadowhunters if they knew where he could find them. Most just sneered in disgust. It was maddeningly overwhelming. He bet that if he screamed, pitched a fit, did anything but touch them, they'd ignore him because he was a Downworlder.

Down winding streets Magnus had given up on trying to rely on prejudice Shadowhunters, instead tried to find a familiar face, _any_ face. He'd even be happy to see Jace if he told him where he could find Alec.

He saw a glimpse of red flick around a corner on the opposite street from him. _Clary_. Never had Magnus been so glad to see the little redhead and he ran so hard and fast to follow her. By the time he saw the flare of red again it had entered a large, expensive looking residence. Magnus didn't bother to knock or marvel at its grandeur, simply magicking his way passed the solid front door into the house the Lightwoods inhabited for the time being.

Windows were boarded up as protection from the demons that were once outside, but the true demon dwelled right beside them. Had Magnus knew who he was; the boy wouldn't have lasted long enough to bat those pretty eyelashes.

Inside was eerily silent. It spoke volumes of the horrors these walls shared between themselves. Everything looked as if it had not been touched in years, that who ever lived there only ghosted about, removing the accumulating dust every so often. It was a strange sensation but Magnus understood death did that to people. Not only did they hide inside their homes, but they shrivelled far deep into themselves, never to be touched by the dangerous outside world.

A pin drop in the empty living space would've echoed a thousand times over, a feather sailing to the floor would mimic the crash of a felled tree.

Magnus took the stairs two at a time, being met with a hall riddled with numerous doors, gently opening each one that would grant him admittance.

He was shocked to see the young form of Isabelle lying face down on a plain bed shaking softly with sobs and Clary too absorbed in rubbing her back with soothing circular motions sitting beside her. As wrong as it felt, Magnus was not here for her, for either of them, so he shut the door as silently as he had opened it and continued on.

This was the time for mourning, but it wouldn't last long. Shadowhunters never wallowed over death; life came and went so effortlessly between them, especially among the men. They were expected to carry on and not feel the loss, one of the few things that pissed Magnus off about Shadowhunters. It was a debilitating belief, yet it stuck strong to their ideals, particularly in times of war. Magnus knew Robert and Maryse could only bury their son before resuming to their fight against the imminent evil. They might not be his favourite people but even he couldn't wish that on someone.

He was at the attic door and realized it immediately to be Jace and Alec's room, both sides were kept minimal; functional for the short stay. The bed he knew belonged to Jace was made up to hospital perfection and Alec's sheets were disrupted as if he had been lying on top of them, not underneath them.

Magnus made a futile attempt to check if it was recently vacated, but beneath his hand the bed showed no evidence of warmth, it cracked at his heart.

* * *

><p>There was no street in the city's walls that Magnus had not walked down in search of Alec. So he made a decision on a whim to venture away from recently invaded glass city, beyond the inoperative wards.<p>

What he found broke his heart all over again, more than all the times Alec refused to acknowledge his presence in front of his parents or the letter he had received from him not long ago.

Alec appeared to be a silhouette against the landscape of the darkening indigo sky.

He didn't even recognize Magnus tentatively moving to sit beside him. It was unnerving; all he did was stare, watching the electrical storm balancing on the dark horizon, his knees drawn to his chin and thin arms capturing them hard against his chest.

He looked terribly beautiful.

His pale face, high cheek bones and blue eyes radiated immense sadness, screaming broken. Alec Lightwood was miles away from broken, he looked worse now than when Magnus had seen him in unbearable pain while demon poison infested his body and blood was painted all over his skin.

Shattered was the best word to describe him.

Magnus stretched out a shaking hand and rested it on Alec's thigh. He didn't shake it off, comment or move, which could've been interpreted in many ways but Magnus took it as a positive. He was just so still Magnus was frightened he wasn't breathing, he was so cold as well, freezing, God knows how long he had been sitting there in just jeans and a black long sleeve top.

When he felt Alec wasn't going to respond Magnus lay back onto the grass, looking up at the sky being cracked into two, lighting up both their faces, still keeping the contact between the young boy and himself.

Slowly, Alec leaned backwards, paralleling his body with Magnus.

The sky flashed again and a low rumble in the distance accompanied it moments later.

Alec turned his body towards Magnus' side and rested his head on the other man's chest, inhaling deeply. Magnus dared not to breathe so not to upset Alec further.

Both their bodies touched at every point horizontally in silent tenderness.

The hand that lay in the centre of Magnus's chest tightened, fisting the material there, in unspoken grief and anger. It was only when Magnus felt the tears soaking through his shirt did he raise his own hand to twine his fingers in Alec's hair, running them over his forehead, closed eyes and lips, across the tear tracks.

"Shh, baby… it's okay… you're alright" Magnus whispered words of encouragement he knew were lost in the tiny space separating them, shedding a few tears of his own.

Having this boy cry against him was the cruellest form of torture. His pink lips trembled, his eyes grew shadows and his body shivered in submission.

"Take me home"

The words were a whimper in the darkness, begging, pleading.

Magnus knew what he meant, not home here, not to his bed in that attic or in Alicante at all, but back to New York, where the memories were not as vivid and crushing. Despite his absolute want to do anything Alec asked, he knew this was something he couldn't, not now.

Instead he silently lifted himself up from the grass, bringing Alec with him, encompassing the boy's shoulders in a tight, sideways embrace, staring out at the storm with him, distributing as much of his warmth as possible. Alec lay his head on Magnus' shoulder. They sat there quietly for most of the night.

Completely alone and hidden in the darkness, the long, sweet kiss both boys shared was only revealed by a burst of lightning that swallowed them up immediately like it had never happened.

**Well, there you go, I really wanted to convey the emotion as much as possible, but I'm afraid I can't make anything sound sad. Oh well, tell me what you think, this one is kind of special to me :) It would seriously be great to hear from you.  
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**As always forgive my mistakes. Thanks guys**


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